izzy

iPhone predictive text:
underneath the stars are so many things that make you feel like a little more time with the other side is a good idea but the fact is that you have no idea

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sarah

Proposed new answering machine message:

‘Hi, you’ve called Sarah. I’ve probably pressed the lock button on my iPhone to mute the ringtone so I can disregard your call without alerting you to the fact that I’m ignoring you on purpose! Don’t worry, I get irrationally anxious at the prospect of phone conversations, even though I worked at a call centre for two years! Weird, huh? Don’t leave a voicemail. Just text or email me. Seriously. I’m so much more likely to respond to text communication. Don’t you find writing just much more comforting than the harshness of speech? Did you read a lot as a child? I did. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to talk to you right now. If this is mum, you can go ahead and leave a voice message starting with ‘Oh, hi love’, where you sound surprised even though you’ve heard my whole voicemail message and waited for the beep and everything. Even you are better off texting me. I like that you’ve discovered emojis. They give your texts an adorable teen girl hysteria that I particularly enjoy. Everyone else, your call is important to us. No, really. I’m sorry about my social inadequacies. Let’s not talk about it. Literally.’

Beep.

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