the old men scat and doo-wap as they lie sunbaking on the shingle
pot bellies sagging and grinning from decades of mangare
even the word is round and full, flavoured with ripe tomato and vino rosso
banana hammocks or budgie smugglers, spraying themselves with oil
like, seriously amazing tans – like, how do they even do it?
pockets full of rocks that are actually fragments of tile,
approximately half the pebbles here are actually smoothed bits of glass
debris that has been smoothed, crashed and rolled against stone
flick water over shoulders and let a cheeky droplet run between the blades
do they do it on purpose? save up the broken bits for this?
keep the pieces when someone breaks a glass, a bottle, a plate
then carry it to the sea and release it to the waves?
Guys, can we take a second to consider how truly outrageous reproduction is?
I mean, the dude PEES in the chick’s STOMACH and then she grows a PERSON who gets magically BIGGER without anyone having to DO ANYTHING.
I mean, that is INSANE.
That is TOTALLY UNBELIEVABLE, and yes, I mean that literally.
And that is why the school has declined to offer sex ed as part of the syllabus.
Because the whole thing is clearly a government conspiracy cover-up story.
We’re going to get to the bottom of this (now Jimmy, that’s enough, it’s not funny).
We’ve been lied to for too long, and somebody’s got to take a stand, and that somebody is Saint Sybil’s Primary School for Boys (and now, Girls! 1963 – present)!
We will know the truth, children.
And we will not rest until we do.
Also, Taco Tuesday has been cancelled due to Alfie Ferguson’s “kidney bean allergy.” I know you’ve all been looking forward to this for weeks (frankly, we all have), but let’s try not to take it out on Alfie and his truly ridiculous purported “allergy” (which just quietly, was probably invented by his mother to get back at the school for the D minus her son received in Home Economics).
Now, let’s sing the school song.