Day Three Hundred and Nine.

5/11/14

Izzy circle

izzy

I moved to a cave.
I have become very small.

the patch of sun at the mouth of my cave
catches motes of dust;
throws them back at the sun like
‘fuck you, I don’t want this’

I scrub the walls of my cave and I fill it with echoes
of Burt Bacharach and Beyoncé

you can look but don’t touch
I’m like a rainbow
in that I am a beautiful mirage

I’ve lost track of what day it is, and the year
I kept the bones from what I ate
to carve into beautiful weapons

still nothing has changed, really
still I prefer to belong to myself
so don’t touch me unless I say

I say to the mountain on Wednesdays
from the mouth of my cave,
‘my god, you are beautiful!’
it helps us both to get over hump day
to get through the week together.

*

Sarah circle

sarah

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Yes.
Pinky swear?
Sure.
Do you want to come to my slumber party?
Sure.
Close your eyes like this so it’s night time. No peeking. Can I ask you a secret?
Sure.
How about I ask you one, and you ask me one, and when we get to ten each, we stop.
Okay.
I’ll go first. Do you love anyone right now?
Yes.
Do you hate anyone right now?
Ooh. I don’t think I hate anyone. I dislike people.
When was the happiest that you’ve been this year?
Ah. Gosh. I think maybe last summer. The end of last summer. Relaxed and comfortable and down the beach and enjoying not having any weight or any pressure to do anything. It’s hard not to ask the opposite of what you just asked.
What was the biggest hurdle you had this year?
When I was in Europe, I had really bad anxiety, and it was kind of shit being away from everybody and away from home and having to come over that. Yeah.
What is the best book you’ve ever read?

I find it really hard to have best of anythings.
What’s a good book that you’ve read this year?
So I usually just default to the last thing that I’ve read that I quite enjoyed. Which I did read ‘The Goldfinch.’
Ah, by Donna Tartt.
Yeah, but I actually preferred her first book more.
The Secret History.
The Secret History. It’s good.
Do you ever talk to yourself in private?
Yeah, all the time. Often in public too. (Laughter).
How many people have you ever loved?

Fallen in love with, or just loved?
Either.
I don’t think I could count the ones that I’ve loved. There’s plenty that I loved and also hated at the same time.
How many have you fallen in love with?
I would say five…six…five people.
What are you doing here?
Well, so I’m photographing tomorrow night –
No, okay, let me ask that question again. Why are you doing the thing you’re doing here?
Because just before – whenever anyone’s in my bed, just before I fall asleep, I always seem to start asking people stupid questions, and I like hearing what comes out when peoples’ eyes are closed.
If you were asked to go to Mars, to start a new colony, and you knew you could never come back, would you go?

Is Mars a tropical, wonderful island?
No, it’s Mars. (Laughter).
No, I wouldn’t go.
What’s the hardest thing you think you’d ever have to give up, if someone made you give it up?
Probably being able to work. Or, being able to make work. Being able to make art. I’m a photographer, so if someone said I wasn’t allowed to do that, to have that outlet, I think that would be really hard.
Who do you think has the most important job in the world?

No-one.
Fair.
Who’s someone that’s been inspirational to you, and why?
I’m inspired by people all the time, for little things. I’m inspired by my friend Lucy, who has fairly full on mental illness, and still gets up every day, and pushes through when it’s really shit.
Which celebrity would you most like to kiss?

Male or female?
Either.
Maybe Julianne Moore.
Awesome.
Which celebrity would you like to slap the most?
Oh my god. Does Tony Abbott count? Is he a celebrity?
Yeah, he’s a celebrity.
Great. Oh, what joy I would take in that.
When you die, do you want to be buried or cremated?

Cremated. I don’t want to take up any space.
What are one of the things you’re most afraid of?
Heights. I get really vertiginous around heights. Even when they’re quite small. Even when I’m going up a small ladder I get very dizzy.
And this is the last question. What is the most beautiful thing?

Nothing is the most beautiful thing. Nothing. There’s too many beautiful things.
Do I get one last question? What questions do you usually ask people in bed before they fall asleep?
Questions like these.
Really?
Yeah.
Do they answer coherently?
It depends how tired they are. Sometimes they don’t answer. But a lot of the time they do. Sometimes they say silly things, sometimes they say beautiful things.
Do they tell you to shut up?
Sometimes. (Laughter). Sometimes they tell me to go to sleep, which I think is fair. You can open your eyes now.
Cheers. Thanks.
Thank you for coming.

*

Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Yes.
Do you pinky swear?
No.
Do you promise to tell the truth, except when you need to lie?
Yes.
Pinky swear?
Yep.
Do you want to come to my slumber party?
Yep.
Okay. Close your eyes like this, so it’s night time. Can I ask you a secret?
Yes.
Okay. How about I ask you, and then you ask me –
Okay.
And then when we get to ten each, we’ll stop.
Okay.
Okay. Which is better, out of cats and dogs?
Dogs.
Have you ever been in love?
Yes.
When was the last time you held a baby?

A week ago?
Do you want to have a baby?
I change my mind on that about every week. I don’t know. I think at the moment, I’m slightly more towards yes, but next week it’s probably going to be a definitive no. (Laughter).
What’s the best smell in the world?

I like the smell of freesias, which is my favourite flower, and reminds me that Spring is here.
What food do you hate to eat?
I don’t like dill. The herb. I have this weird aversion to dill. I don’t know what that’s about.
Interesting.
How many people have you written love letters to?
One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…(laughter). Nine?
Awesome.
How many people have you written love letters to?
I think four. Maybe five.
What is the New Year’s Resolution that you make the most often?

To do more exercise. What about you?
Yeah, it’s either exercise, or lose weight.
What are three words that describe how you want to be as a person?

Funny. Subversive. Brave.
How old are you?
Twenty-six.
What is your favourite song right now?

That makes me feel nervous. (Laughter). I just saw my old friend play a gig, and so his song has been in my head for the last couple of weeks, and it’s called Chevy Beretta.
Why did you want to make live art?
Because most of what I do is documenting someone else’s creation, and so I wanted to see what it was like from the other side.
Do you have any recurring dreams?

Mainly I dream about the same people. And get visits from people that are no longer with me. How about you?
When I was a little kid, I had a dream that, putting adult thought processes on it, kind of felt as though I was kind of still in the room and I could hear my mother talking. And since then, I think, I occasionally have a friend of mine who died kind of rock up and be profound.
That’s interesting.
Yeah. When in your life have you felt the most grown up?
Probably at job interviews. Or…or handling stuff with lawyers and accountants sometimes makes me feel grown up, but also really un-grown up. (Laughter).
Are you in love at the moment?
Y…yeah. (Laughter). Yes. Yes. In a complex sort of way. This is the last question, and then you can ask me one last one. What is the most beautiful thing?
Maybe swimming in the ocean surrounded by friends on a hot day that’s not too hot. (Laughter).
Do you ever feel like being in the arts is a waste of time?
Yeah. I do. I kind of vacillate halfway between going ‘Oh, no, the arts is what makes life worth living’ and thinking, well, I don’t think anyone’s ever really been improved by anything I’ve done. (Laughter). You know, no-one’s…everyone’s still got cancer, and I didn’t help anyone have more money or really even be happier. Especially with photos, I think, ‘cause they’re so saturated, people just sort of look and them and go ‘Oh, that’s cool’ and then immediately forget about it. I think sometimes live art can be more transformative. Yeah. You can open your eyes now. Thank you for coming.
Thank you.

*

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