Fifty.

19/2/14

Izzy circle

izzy

I got a call, this morning,
from my future self.
she was brusque and somehow
cheerful when she asked if I knew
what it meant yet.
I said I didn’t.
I asked her if we are all just
confused and petrified,
‘is this a universal condition?’
she didn’t respond, but
taking my hand through the phone somehow
she whispered,
‘throw your arms up, go on
do it
throw your arms up and spin
like the sun, like a star
like you’re in the club and
you just don’t care’
and I did.

*

Sarah circle

sarah

Okay get up right now get up
Let’s see what that rusty old skeleton can do
No there’s not actually an option of staying here
I’m really sorry about that but it’s now or never
And I will not let you choose never so
Get. Up. Now. There’s a slap wind blowing
And you’re gonna have to get used to that
You’re just gonna have to deal with it
Because this is where it all starts
And you can’t ever go back to where you were
It’s all waves and thunder from now on
And you can either sink or swim
So I suggest you practice your breaststroke
We’re out and the rain’s on your face
Can you feel the rain? It’s holy
And you are made clean by this bluster
Yes I know your joints are creaking
That’s to be expected they’re not used to this
You’ve let them get soggy they’re sopping
Where are your pistons where is your rage
Come here come to the edge of the night
Look down at everything there is
All those little lights all those black smears
Nothing the light touches is your kingdom
This isn’t yours I’m sorry you inherit nothing
This isn’t Hollywood I’m not your mentor
I’m just the one who’s telling you what’s happening
And what’s happening is that you are waking
The fuck. Up. Get your head out of the gutter
It’s full of leaves and petrol and mud and you’re choking
Choking on old bicycle chains and cigarette butts
And piss and shit and old parking tickets
Get your face up and look at the fucking sky
And don’t think it’s gonna be all sunshine and moonbeams
That old ceiling up there is boiling and flashing
It’s an opera up there and it’s just as incomprehensible
But it’s real and it’s what’s going on
And you will not stay in your little fucking puddle
You will rise up and fight. You will take your little hands
Your little stick arms and you will put them in front of your face
And you will brace yourself. And those waves
Those fucking waves won’t wash over you any more
You will stand steadfast and you will grit your teeth
And you will suffer and weep but you will prevail
And the sea will break against you and you will change
You will become savage and then, then in time
You will become sweet. That storm will pass
And the sun will come out and you will swim in gold
And people will find you because you will be tall
And they will come and lay at your feet
And fold in your arms and you will hold them
And when the storms come again you will stand together
And on and on until finally the whole world
The whole goddamn world will stand under your shoulders
Like Atlas, like fucking Atlas, you’ll hold up the stars
And the heavens will rage above you
And the deep dark things coiled inside the earth will teem
But all those billions of fists in your stomach
Every hand there is on the whole goddamn planet will clench
And you’ll all hold each other and you will be warm
I’m sorry it has to be you. I’m sorry you have to start it
But it’s happening, kid, it’s happening now
So lift your fucking face. Take a deep breath in
And begin.

*

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